In this date and age where women have become more empowered, being a single parent is not unusual. Although some people, fixated in their conservative values, think negatively of women who bear children out of wedlock, they are more the exception rather than the rule.

However, single parenting is not easy. Lucky for women who are blessed with supportive families; and luckier are the women who have supportive families and the financial resources to go with it. But if you are an average, middle class person, you have to prepare yourself for the daunting task of having to provide for, and at the same time cater, to your child’s emotional and psychological demands.

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Nowadays, too, there is a growing trend towards men being single parents. Being a single parent is not the monopoly of women anymore. Male single parents may even find it harder to perform the task of nurturing since traditionally, this role has been performed by females.

Therefore, it does not matter whether you are a female or a male, so long as you belong in this growing sector of single parents, here are some things you should know that may be of help.



1. Teach your child to differentiate. When my children were little, I put their toys in a box and I always reminded them that they can only play with their toys. They can scatter the toys but they have to put them back in the box after playing. All other things in the house, such as books, figurines, kitchen utensils, etc., are not toys and therefore, are not playthings. This practice made them conscious of differentiating things. I did not have any qualms in bringing them with me to a friend’s house since they have developed the practice of not touching anything that is on display.

2. Be very honest with your child. Do not be caught in the trap of telling a lie just to pacify your child. If you have to go to work and leave your child behind, tell him/her the truth. Explain why you have to leave, and estimate the time when you will be back. Some parents prefer to leave while the child is asleep. This is a huge mistake. Children develop insecurities when upon waking, they do not see the person they are accustomed to being with.

3. Make good with your promises. Be very careful in giving promises to your child. Children tend to hold on to these promises and experience frustration when they are not honored. You will be surprised at children’s capacity to understand why their wants cannot be realized. Just explain in plain, simple words why you will not be able to give what he/she is asking for.

4. Do not try to overcompensate. Most parents tend to lavish their children with material things in order to compensate their absence. This attitude is actually borne out of guilt. Make your child understand why you cannot spend more time with him/her; or why you cannot bring him/her to school, and so on. Overcompensating results in the child’s being unreasonably demanding which leads to being spoiled.

5. And, lastly, do not malign your child’s mom or dad. Assure your child that he/she is loved and try to make him/her understand why his//her mom or dad is not around.  Never badmouth his mom/dad since this will instill anger and hurt and will tend to diminish his/her self-worth.

With the right attitude and perspective, the hardships that you experience as a single parent is nothing compared to the joy of being blessed with someone to love and nurture; who will love you back unconditionally.